


Blades on Ceiling Fans

by tonysleatherjacket



Series: Zalex Prompts [4]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 13:51:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14750076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysleatherjacket/pseuds/tonysleatherjacket
Summary: Zach is constantly getting jealous of Jessica, but he isn't sure why.





	Blades on Ceiling Fans

**Author's Note:**

> You can submit zalex one-shot prompts for me to write in the comments or on my tumblr @tonysleatherjacket

It’s a cool day for early May, and I sit outside with my group of friends for lunch.

“Alright, who wants to trade with my carrot sticks and celery?” Alex asks, holding up two baggies, lips quirked up in a smile. His mother still insisted on him eating super healthy, though Alex was always trading people for food he actually liked, and conning his friends, mainly myself, into buying him candy and chips.

“Here, I’ll give you my slice of pizza.” Jessica pushes her lunch tray towards Alex. “As long as you buy me a packet of ranch to go with those.”

Alex smiles at Jess, in a way that’s less teasing and more affectionate. It makes me slightly angry, but I don’t know why. I should be used to them together by now. They’ve been dating ever since her trial against Bryce started.

“Deal.” Alex gets up slowly, wobbling slightly, hand clutching his cane. Jessica follows him to the lunch line.

I stare as they move farther from my sight, eyes burning.

 

-

 

It’s nearly midnight, on the last day of school. We’re all at Clay’s house; Alex, Jessica, Sheri, Tony, Ryan, Courtney, Courtney’s girlfriend, and myself. Clay’s mom is visiting her sister and his dad is away at some literature convention.

“One more year of this shit, and then we’re done.” Jessica says in a relaxed voice, her eyes slightly dreamy from the pot they’ve all been smoking.

“Thank fuck.” Alex says, coughing as he takes a hit from the joint going around and passes it to me.

I can’t help the slight blush that creeps onto my cheeks as our fingers touch when I take it from him. His hands are cold, mine are warm. I suddenly want to take his hands in mine and warm them. Jesus, I _must_ be stoned already.

I put the joint to my lips, inhaling, lashes fluttering as I stare across from myself at Alex. His eyes are hooded, and he’s slouched down, back against the couch. His shirt is wrinkled slightly, and his jeans look a bit loose on him.

“High school is bullshit, but I’m gonna miss you guys, you know? Like a lot.” Clay sighs.

Someone laughs. I think it’s me.

“So sentimental, Clay.” Jess teases.

“And Justin’s going to get out of juvie just in time for school to start too. He’ll have to do his senior year over again. Poor sucker.” He snickers.

“Didn’t he get six months though?” Sheri asks.

“Yeah, but they think he’ll get out in four for good behavior.”

Some time later, Alex sneaks off with Jessica, and my throat burns. All I see is white, hot anger.

 

-

 

The day after the first anniversary of my father’s death, I drive to Alex’s house. He’s probably the only person I’m okay with seeing right now because I don’t care if he sees me cry. For my mother and sister, I want to be strong. I need to be.  I need to be a sense of support for them to be able to lean on. And for the rest of my friends, that kind of shit is just embarrassing. Yeah they would probably understand, but still. Back when I used to hang out with jocks and the popular crowd, we didn’t really do the whole “feelings” thing with each other, and even though the friends I have now are different, I still have a hard time expressing how I feel to them.

Alex and I, who is clearly letting me win, play a racing game for about half an hour. I throw the controller to the side and lay down on the bed. Alex lies down next to me. For a few long seconds we just stare up at the ceiling fan, watching the blades spin around and around and around.

“You may be the bravest person I know.” I say quietly.

Alex makes a noise that’s sort of a mix between a snort and a laugh. “ _Me?_ You’re fucking with me, right?”

“No.” I take a deep, shuttering breathe. Sometimes he just makes me feel so off guard. I never know whether I’m about to cry or scream at him. “My whole life, I’ve been a coward. In my family, we don’t talk about things that are hard to talk about. We just ignore them.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Alex questions. His shoulder presses against mine, a heat between us so intense it takes everything in me to not move away.

“I know it makes you feel like a freak, or whatever, when you have those, I don’t know, episodes. Where you just yell and throw shit.”

Alex blows out air from his cheeks, and I feel him look away from me. “I’ve never seen someone be so real before. Before the tapes and everything…you were just like me, pretending and hiding. But afterwards, you actually told people how you felt. You just laid all your shit out there. I’ve never had the guts to do that.”

He doesn’t respond right away. I count the seconds like a ticking time bomb in my head. I don’t know if I’ve upset Alex or made him mad, but I know that I somehow always end up saying the absolute wrong thing.

Then he responds, “Everyone hates when I get like that. Jess gets mad at me, my parents look at me like I’m glass shattering right before their eyes. I either piss people off or they pity me.”

“Well, I guess I’m different.” I state.

“Yeah, I guess you are.”

He’s silent again for a moment, before slowly turning on his side to face me. “Thanks. I wish Jess could act more like you. I try not to blow up at her, but sometimes I just can’t control myself. It’s like I can’t even talk about my suicide attempt without her bursting into tears or yelling at me. Like, how can I ever move on if I don’t talk about it?”

My palms feel sweaty and my jaw locks.

“Okay, there you go again.” Alex huffs at me.

I flip onto my side, so I’m facing him. He glares at me with an anger I’m not used to seeing, at least nothing that’s ever been directed at me. “What?”

“Whenever I talk about Jessica, you just stare at me with this stink eye. I mean, why the fuck do you hate her so much?”

I can feel my ears burn bright red. “I don’t hate her.”

“Bull. You obviously do. Why does she make you so mad?”

“She doesn’t.” I argue, but the words taste like lead in my mouth. I know I’m lying before I even speak. But the thing is, I don’t know why Jessica pisses me off so much. We’re friends. She’s nice and beautiful, and just like everyone else in our group, we understand each other on a level we never thought we would. When you go through something like we all have, that kind of thing just permanently binds you to each other.

“It’s like your feelings about her changed once we got together.” Alex notes. A pause, and then, “Shit, do you like Jess?”

My stomach churns in a very unsettling way and I start to feel lightheaded, panic swelling up inside me like a hot air balloon.

“No, I don’t like Jessica.” The words are heavy and thick, laced with a dreaded truth. Alex’s question rings in my head, everything moving into place like the world’s worst puzzle. I don’t like Jessica. Alex, on the other hand…

“Well, then what the fuck is it? ‘Cause I know you sure as hell don’t like me.”

Alex glances at me, and I’m sure it’s written all over my face. I’ve never wanted to bolt so fast, but it’s like my whole body is frozen in place, secured to the bed with hidden locks.

“Do you?” He questions, voice soft.

And holy fuck, it all makes sense. Why Jessica annoys the shit out of me, why I feel so comfortable yet also so off kilter around Alex. I have real, deep feelings for him.

“You do, don’t you?”

His eyes are bright and curious as I will myself not to look away from him in the shame burning through me. He stares at me in a way that’s so unnerving, my heart throbs and I can’t stop blinking.

And then he’s kissing me. Or I’m kissing him. And then we’re kissing each other, fast and hard and like we can’t get enough. Like he’s fresh air and I can’t seem to catch my breath. We kiss like there isn’t anything left in the world, and there might as well won’t be.

My insides feel like they're on fire, but his touches are soft and there's nothing else I can focus on except for his tongue grazing mine in tender curiosity and his one hand resting against my cheek, the other running up and down my arm in a way that sends sparks coursing through my whole body. We pull apart eventually, to catch our breath. As soon as we do, Alex begins kissing along my jawline as I fight to get my breathing under control. 

And Jesus Christ, I can't believe this is really happening right now. Alex sucks gently on my neck as I stare up at the ceiling, looking as the blades on the ceiling fan go round and round. The speed is so slow compared to the pounding of my heart.

"I like you too." He says hesitantly, pulling back but still so, so close to me. I feel his hot breath against me. "I like you." He says again, more surely and confidently. Then we go back to kissing. 


End file.
